9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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