we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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