i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize