so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
