He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
