Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
