Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
