Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
