why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
