Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
