Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
