think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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