I like my sex mixed with concussions.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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