just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
