I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
