somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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