You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
