It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
