So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
