I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
