Whatcha textin bout Willis?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
