He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
