Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
