my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
