im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
