Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
