She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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