you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
