yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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