I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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