Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
