I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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