I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
