You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
