Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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