I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
