If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
