Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
