The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
