My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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