When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
should my penis look like a turkey
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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