I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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