Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up under a house in Key West
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