so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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