erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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