i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
