my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
