I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
