the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
