**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
not ubering you a puppy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
