Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
