who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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