Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There r osticjed everywhere
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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