shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Two words: nipple clamps
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