i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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