I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
