I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
