why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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