yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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