I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
