Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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