its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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