Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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