I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
