Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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