Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
