i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
