if only i could text you this smell
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
