Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
