Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
