cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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