you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
