Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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