There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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