Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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