I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
