I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
