I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
