dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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